Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in crimsoncowboy's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
3:14 pm	I have got to find a way to reach these kids, it is killing me to watch continue the path of self destruction GOD HELP ME (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
9:16 am	Moving I am moving to jacksonville in a couple weeks for a new job. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 21st, 2007
8:25 pm	It has been a while since I have posted. I currently use myspace or facebook or blogspot. This has kinda died out after I ended a relationship. www.angelsofmercyhouse.blogspot.com is the website where I post in regards to the company I am trying to start. www.myspace.com/sonorakid is where i post blogs on what I am personally doing Then on facebook is where i update my statuses etc. Quick update, I graduated this spring from SEU with a BA in History. I am currently teaching juvenile deliquents from the ages of 9 - 15. I am currently teaching the subjects of English, Reading, Life Skills, and History/Geography. As of July 29 I will be also adding the subjects of Math and Science into my repotoire. Well feel free to email me or message me  I am still on AIM with the sn Cowboypreacher07. Sincerely, Charles Steward Chuck Steward (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 9th, 2005
9:25 pm	Lost My back is feeling a lot better, and physically I am doing ok. I thought long and hard about this post and decided to make it public, instead of protected. Because if I am to be condemned for being human, then I will plead guilty as charged. 2 years 2 years since that faithful time, where everything started going down hill for me. I look back at that time and I was on fire for God and ministry. Now I look at myself a broken and wretched fool, I turned my back on my first love, all for the sake of earthly goods and services. I have turned into something I am not, and I despise myself for it. The friends that I have now, who knew me then, probably have been watching, and hopefully praying for me. It is disgraceful, to see how far I have fallen from the grace I once thrived to be in, and his presence which I sought constantly, now there is just a faint reminder of his grace and presence. How could I have fell so far in such a short time. The ones who have seen me at and away from school knows where my heart truly lies, but I have fell from the sweet salvation I knew in my youth. I heard it from my mother and grandmother in regards to getting "back right" before it is too late. There is no one to blame except my own pitiful self, I wonder some days if I should just end it all, after the hell I put my self through. I am slowly trying to go back to my first love, and leave this lust of earthly goods, behind me. I started by deciding that I will not go on to Law school directly after college, I am going to work at a school and try to build a children's home for abused children. I have not wore the mask of being some holier than thou Christian while at Southeastern, I have been as real as I possible could be. I am who I am, if you want to criticize for taking a drink every now and then, or playing poker for various reasons, then go right ahead and judge me that is your choice. If you want to judge me for who I am without getting to know who I really am, then you it is your decision. I have not been to chapel or regular church services consistently since December of 2003, because of "burnout" but when the burnout wore off, I had lost sight and motivation of my goals in life which is to impact and change kids for the better. I thank God for my friends and family, who has not left me during these last two years. I thank God for my wonderful fiancee who just reminds me of God's grace and love towards me, since he gave me her, which was something I thought I never would receive. Even through all the hell I put her through and all the times I know I have let her down, she is still there for me every night when I get off from work. No matter how hard the night has been or the weekend, she is always there with a loving hug and caring touch. THANKS JENNIFER, you do not know how much I appreciate you and love you. God reached below the bottom to pull me up, I had to look up to see the bottom of the depths of the pit that I had fell into. It is going to be back on my knees, is where I learned to stand once and that is where God has brought me back again. Also I cant even walk without you holding my hand. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 13th, 2005
10:55 am	Well it has been a little bit since i posted, i have been working 50+ hour weeks, plus trying to finish school work, since i have incompletes in my classes from this past semester due to being sick. Also for the last post, i got a couple IMs about it. So i will go ahead and say it, me and a friend of mine, started dating. We have been friends for 2 years now. You know how they say usually what ever you are looking for is usually right up under your nose, but you keep overlooking it because you are looking in all the same ole places. So for now the Cowboy isnt completely branded, but i am not running maverick anymore either. Also the 50 hour work weeks, are great, real decent pay, i am slowly paying debt off, little bit, by little bit. I am having to decide wheter to go on to Law School or what to do with my degree. So i stand at a cross roads. Well the cowboy is signing off. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
12:41 am	Just an update in my life, THE COWBOY IS BACK IN THE SADDLE, email me for clarification Cowboy signing off Current Mood: relaxed (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
1:11 pm	Figure it out On a prayer, in a song I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on Raining down, against the wind I'm reaching out 'til we reach the circle's end When you come back to me again And again I see my yesterday's in front of me Unfolding like a mystery You're changing all that is and used to be 'Cause there's a lighthouse, in the harbor Shining faithfully Pouring its light out, across the water For this sinking soul to see That someone out there still believes in me In another's eyes I'm afraid that I can't see This picture perfect portrait That they paint of me They don't realize And I pray they never do 'Cause every time I look I'm seein' you In another's eyes And what they don't see Is killing me It's a blessing and a curse That love is blind And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance The competition's getting younger Tougher broncs, you know I can't recall The worn out tape of Chris LeDoux, lonely women and bad booze Seem to be the only friends I've left at all And the white line's getting longer and the saddle's getting cold I'm much too young to feel this damn old All my cards are on the table with no ace left in the hole I'm much too young to feel this damn old Longneck bottle Let go of my hand Hey jukebox don't start playin' that song again 'Cause there's a girl at home who loves me You know she won't understand Longneck bottle Let go of my hand You know now I'm not a man who's ever been Insecure about the world I've been living in I don't break easy, I have my pride And I'm changing, swore I'd never compromise Oh, but you convinced me otherwise I have never let anything have this much control over me I work too hard to call my life my own I have never let anything have this much control over me You know it should be easy for a man who's strong To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong I've never lost anything I've ever missed It's out of my hands This post is dedicated to my little sisters, both full blood or adopted, Sorry for all the times i have failed yall in the past, Yall have been hurt directly or indirectly for my indiscretions, for me thinking of myself and not others. But thank yall for the reminders of why I chose the path that i did. Thanks to my brothers from Southeastern that have encouraged me through this life changing transformation. Yall have listened to the vents and mood swings, I thank yall from the bottom of this country boys heart, yall are all cherised by me, no matter what may happen. The cowboy is signing off. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: The music that made me think and reflect on my past (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 27th, 2005
12:31 pm	Mavericks The assassin has been relieved of his duties. The queen of his life has went on to other things where he was not needed. It hurt him so much, he would have much rather died in battle than to stand there and watch her walk away. The maverick is back but not as strong as he was when he left here. The brand is no longer standing. The pain of removing the brand will be excruiating pain, normally the brand is to be removed only after death but he wasnt lucky enough to experience that pleasure this time. Sleep is their worst enemies because it is when the memories and dreams coming rushing back like the waters of the mighty river. The assassin will probably drift off to non existence, while the maverick will get back up and brush himself off and get back up in the saddle. But sometimes when you get thrown, you are broken to the point that you cant get back by yourself. The assassin never relied on anyone and the maverick seemed to have only good time associates. So the maverick will try to move past this throw and try to move on, why did it have to be so difficult. Crimsoncowboy 2005 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
10:34 am	HAPPPY BIRTHDAY JD ENJOY THEM ALL (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 5th, 2004
9:38 pm	Jewelry I am so teeed off, I cant find my gold chain and charms from High school (it cost me a couple grand in high school) I cant find them anywhere, Those was things that reminded me of times in high school, I cant afford to replace them (one charm cant be replaced) Those was precious to me. Well i called my grnadma and she said she didnt think i brought them home this summer, so now i am really upset. Current Mood: irritated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
8:51 am	Hey Yall It has been a month since i posted, really my life isnt that interesting, i do pretty much the same thing every day, which is sleep school, work eat repeat, i cant wait til this semester is over, i am able to go pick up my gma and bring her down for Christmas, i miss her and her cooking. I will be so glad my gf gets to ride up there with me, so she can see the area where i am from. THANK GOD I AM A COUNTRY BOY Well i do miss seeing some of my friends from SEC since i dont live on campus or anything, but it is ok, i enjoy living off campus (lot cheaper) Cowboy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
10:30 am	Cowboys Hey everyone We finally moved into our apartment. It is ok, and work is picking up so i am getting to stay busy with out being bored. I was driving to poincianna the other day and saw horses, and a friend mentioned that she knew someone who broke horses and stabled them and told me that i should call him to see if i could work for him. The only problem is that i am scared to death to get back on a horse or a bull, i am so afraid now of getting throwed and landing wrong and hurting my knee or ankle, then i might not get out of the pen quick enough. That could end my life or ruin me physically for life. I would love to be back working on a ranch or farm, i miss it so much. I dont know if i want to continue school because i dont need a degree to work on a farm, but i cant make a living with a ranch or farm because it takes way too much money to get the land to run it. My heart is still that of a cowboy, but the city is driving me crazy, i dont know what to do, should i follow my heart of a cowboy or follow my mind into the field of law where i have been pulled since a little kid. I have been in the city so long, i havent rode since i broke my ankle the first time, i miss the 6 oclock winter rides where it is a layer of ice on the windshield of the vehicles. i really want to ride again, This cowboy has been grounded so long. There once was a song that said dont call him a cowboy until u have seen him ride because stetson hats and boots dont make u a cowboy. I looked around the other day and replayed in my mind and one person at the school i would have never thought to be country, handled a lariat as well if not better than me. BUt then i see other people imitate and try to appear what they are not. I dont know the people well enough but most people dont know the trials and the trouble living in the country. Some friends of mine got a very small taste of what it looked like, i want to go back home just for a week to finish clearing the woods so it could be refenced or fixed back up like it was before i got injured. I hope my gma doesnt feel i have left my roots and raising when she sees me in the "city". I hope always to stay true to the roots that i grew up from. I need to relook at my inside, and make sure that i havent lost all that created me Cowboyup (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 10th, 2004
3:45 pm	SCHOOL IS CANCELED AGAIN, I am getting tired of this. I feel like i am being cheated out of my tution since i havent seen one professor but once since school started, oh well this will give me a couple days to catch up on reading etc for all these classes. Well gtg ttyl (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
10:53 pm	Wild Weekend My life is rated R. What is your life rated? Everyone, i wonder what this says about me. Well i went home this weekend with some friends, well i did alot of thinking about my relationship with my girlfriend who is awesome. I talked with my grandmother who is old and traditional about it and got some advice. This weekend was awesome and painful, i played with gas and fire which is an awesome combination and my back is feeling it. But we went a very scenic route, up 98 almost all the way to my house, saw some wonderful country, cant wait to make the trip with my girlfriend so she can see how beautiful it is. well going to be i will talk with yall later (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
9:25 am	OK, My girlfriend claims to be the worst livejournaler there is, but then she must have not looked at my posts that much. Well school is back in for me as it is with most of my friends. I have 4 history classes, 1 law class and 1 english class. Only 2 of my classes are not junior or senior level, those are American History 1 adn English comp 2. I have Dr. Sawyerr for English Comp 2 so it is going to be a very trying year, but it seems like i am going to learn alot from that man. Hopefully my GPA doesnt suffer too much. My girlfriend is still awesome, wish i had more time to spend with her, but with me working in Orlando and running my own lawn care business that is just starting, It doesnt look like i will get to see her as much as i did last year. Workign for Kodak is awesome, i am thinkign of going seasonal if i get enough yards to cover my bills. Then i will work there only during the summers when u can truly make a killing with the money, if they wont let me go seasonal then i will just drop my availabilty to saturdays and work one day a week there and do my yards the other days. Anyone needs their yard done, give me a call or drop me an email at cowboypreacher07@aol.com well got to go to work talk with yall later Current Mood: lazy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
1:21 am	I havent posted in 2 months, since that time, i have started a new job up at disney, it is awesome, also i have been getting ready for school i took the subculture test, and it stated what group i was part of Which 1990's Subculture Do You Belong To? [Another Quiz by Kris @ couplandesque.net] so who was surprised by this??? I hope no one was, because a few people knew that i used to be Goth, well i am going to bed i will talk with u later Cowboy Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
3:14 pm	It has been almost a month since i updated i am not good at keeeping up with journals. my life is almost routine. I picked up my off campus form today, because i figured out it would be a whole lot cheaper to live off campus with the same number of guys. Since more medical bills are piling up due to the fall and knee injury, these are the bills the insurance didnt or wouldnt cover so i am now responsible, i am proably going to work for kodak in orlando, since it pays better money. I aslso found one of my dream cars for only 1000 so now if any one wants to help me get it feel free to donate any amount of money towards it lol.... I have an awesome girlfriend, i know i say this everytime i post, but she is, God blessed me more than i ever deserve in this department. She is caring and understanding, and still loves to hug me when i am covered in grease and bleach due to work, i cant wait til july to see my SGM and Gmas i also cant wait til she gets to see them and meet them, if they approve, then i will have another investment to start making, Hey Johnny where is a good place to buy a ring at lol well got to go to Ryans and cook so i will talk with you later. COWBOYUP (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
4:20 pm	I am staying with Steven Craig for a week until Chris and Josh and all of them move in. I got my new laptop computer today. I was just like a kid at Christmas time. It is so cool, i really enjoy it, now i am not limited to sitting in my room when i go to type a paper. Yipppeee. welll work is going good, so is my awesome relationship with Jenny. I cant wait til she gets to meet my gma and sgm well got to go love yall Cowboypreacher (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 16th, 2004
9:08 am	Hey Everyone I am finally updating. FINALS have been over for a week, They wasnt that bad. Work on Mother's Day was a killer 15+ hour day, man was my ankles hurting but it felt awesome and when i get paid in two weeks it will look awesome. I talked with my manager about taking a week off in July and she said it would be ok. I am hoping to work as much as possible until then. Oh yeah i ordered me a laptop from Dell it should be here within the next week or two, Finally i dont have to be confined to my room when i want to type a paper. I have an awesome girlfriend, as everyone knows and if everything keeps working out, then she will get to go to NW FL with me in July.YIPPPPPEEEEEEE. I am going to miss my GPA by 82 ten-thousandsths of a point, which really sucks,because i will have my scholarship downsized by over 700 bucks. I will try to update at least once a week, maybe more, but it depends on how busy it is,I might pick up another job so i can make some more money. Well this post is long enough oh by the way, Johnny I love you and AMY and ADAM and HANNAH and MARIE and most of all I LOVE JENNY LOL CRIMSON COWBOY Current Mood: sleepy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 26th, 2004
2:45 pm	Ok Everyone i havent updated in over a week, i have been very busy, with summer coming up, i have 2 more 6 page papers due before next monday, so even time with my gf will be limited due to these papers, I miss seeing her everyday. If everything continues going as they are, then in august i can start shopping for her ring (but with a cook's pay it will take an additional 6 months + to finish paying it off.) so we will be kinda right on schedule with her dad's plans and everything, i was a complete jerk the other day, all i can say is I AM SORRY JENNY, i never meant to be a jerk, i know u said u forgave me, but i felt it would be better if i publicly apologized, i really enjoy working at ryan's it is pretty cool, except i work with a few morons, who could be a little more mature in the way they act. The managers are some of the best i have worked for in the restraunt business, hopefully i will have an extra job this summer, plus get my car fixed so i dont have to rely on others to transhport me around well time for work talk with yall later love yall, Jenny i love u more than words explain (2 Comments |Comment on this)